


A Million Little Fibers

by wish_i_was_a_dalek



Series: A Million Little Fibers [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: A Million Little Fibers, Crack, F/M, Humor, I just had to make the story work, I took a few creative liberties, Mild Language, OFC is not that important, Omg is there Oprah Fanfic?, Pretty much canon - Freeform, The one with Oprah, Towel version, Towelie's book, but i digress, enjoy, from the episode, nine chapters of pure trash, south park - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-17 22:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10603476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wish_i_was_a_dalek/pseuds/wish_i_was_a_dalek
Summary: All my life, I’ve been a pretty irresponsible towel. I thought I was somehow stronger and more immune than other towels.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the origional. The revised version is in the second work.

A Million Little Fibers

By Toweleeeie

 

Prologue

All my life, I’ve been a pretty irresponsible towel. I thought I was somehow stronger and more immune than other towels.

But as I pursued my derelict (wow, that’s a big word) dreams, I began to realize that being a towel, especially a towel like me, is a pretty big disadvantage. I am a towel, who often gets hung out to dry by all those around me. People looked at me weird simply because I was a walking, talking, breathing towel. I sometimes thought, “This just isn’t fair,” but I guess that’s life for a towel like me.

 

Chapter One

I am a towel. I was born and raised in a laboratory. I was originally supposed to be trapped there for testing until my masters had upgraded me enough to create more and more of me, before finally selling me and my kind in large amounts to stores everywhere.

One day, someone at the lab (which is mostly run by aliens, btw) accidentally mixed some chemical or something (you have to understand, I was just an ordinary towel at the time, so I don’t really know what happened), and I developed a conscience.

Because I was now a thinking, talking towel, the masters made sure I knew I was nothing to them. I was something less-than-towel. I was an object. Sometimes, they would hang me out to dry on a rack for days.

 

Chapter Two

One night, I found some weed someone had left out. It was amazing, being high. I was seeing things I’d never seen before, like the sky and the outside world. I just sort of… wandered off. I was free and happy and excited.

I found food and weed pills and friends and weed brownies and porn and weed cigarettes. It was the best time of my life to that point.

 

Chapter Three

Then the other masters found me. They wanted to make a version of me that could be used as a weapon, but this time I knew what to do.

It wasn’t hard to pick out the stoner of the group - he was sitting in his lab watching Alice in Wonderland while listening to the entire Dark Side of the Moon album. I simply asked him if I could have a hit and then I woke up on the other side of town. Again.

 

Chapter Four

Man, Doritos are amazing. They’re like… little turds from heaven. Doritos are made from bat poo, you see. Those little dots of brown or black on the chips? Yeah, those are totally poo. Like my good friend, Mr. Hankey. Even though it never says it in canon, the ship Townkey is so lit.

Oh man, I have no idea what's goin' on. 

 

Chapter Five

Doritos and dryer sheets don’t get along. I think I just put an entire bag of Doritos in the drier and oman, they do not taste good after that. Seriously, do not mix Doritos and dryer things.

Oh man, I have no idea what's goin' on. 

 

Chapter Six

Doritos, man. They fucking delicious. You know what else is delicious? Chocolate milk, man. It tastes like heaven and wonderful things, man. There’s one question that I have for chocolate milk, though; if chocolate cows don’t exist, then how do you explain chocolate milk? I’ve been contemplating that question forever, guys.

Oh man, I have no idea what's goin' on. 

 

Chapter Seven

But I digress. Bat poo is made of Doritos. Those little spots? Yeah, those are Doritos in the bat poo. This is bullshit, because I want my mat poo pure poo. I don’t want doritos in my bat poo.

Wait… I have no idea what’s goin’ on.

 

Chapter Eight.

Doritos need to be pure Dorito flesh. If they were just Dorito flesh, this wouldn’t be a problem. It’s like Doritos are pure gold covered in bat poo.

Oh man, I have no idea what's goin' on.

 

Chapter Nine

So I was about three years old (eighteen in towel years) when I found love for the first time. My girl, a towel rack from Detroit. I wanted to be on that rack all the time.

The only problem was she wanted to settle down and have a family. I was so high all the time, I just… couldn’t.

So I asked myself, “What are you doing with your life, Towlie? You  _ are _ going to have a family, and you  _ are _ going to get clean.” So I did, and I married that rack.

 

Epilogue

I went from an object in a lab to a towel with a life and a family, and I think that’s pretty cool. Get clean, folks!

 

Epilogue

**Oh man, I have no idea what's goin' on. **


End file.
